In the beginning Herman Cain saved the land.
On the first day, Herman Cain said “Let there be jobs,” and there were many multitudes of jobs, and Cain the Great saw that the jobs were good. The first day.
On the second day Herman Cain saw that there were Liberals roaming the land and ruling by bureaucracy and false morality, and great was his wrath, and Cain the Magnificent One said “Let all the Liberals and regulators be removed from the land, and let them go to Sweden,” and it was so. And behold, it was good, and there was much rejoicing on the second day.
On the third day Herman Cain saw the threat of Islamic terror and Herman Cain said “Let the terrorists be removed unto Cuba, and let the CIA do whatever it wants with them.” And it was so, and the CIA gathered great intelligence and the threat was ended, and it was very unpleasant, but what else can you do? And America was safe for a third day.
On the fourth day Herman Cain saw that the corporate tax rate was too high, and Herman Cain said “Let the corporate tax rate be lowered to a reasonable amount, and let the jobs remain in the land, and let the wealth makers be protected from the wealth takers.” And it was good, and America thrived a fourth day.
On the fifth day Herman Cain saw that the federal deficit was out of control, and Herman Cain said “Let government spending be reduced to a reasonable level, and may the government cease funding a mime troupe in San Francisco.” And it was so, and Herman Cain saw that it was good and there was a fifth day.
On the sixth day Herman Cain divided the land above the border from the land below the border with an impenetrable expanse of wall and moat. Thus Herman Cain divided the land according to his will, and the drug wars ended, and it was good. And America prospered for a sixth day.
On the seventh day, Herman Cain saw all the work which he had wrought, and saw that the land was filled with peace and prosperity, so he invented pizza. And behold, it was very good.